Girrrrl I don’t know how you do a long distance relationship. Do you think your man is faithful to you?!
Sis, is your man faithful?!
Oh, that’s too spicy, but I’m not sure why y’all think proximity makes a man faithful. He could be in a relationship with you and his side chick live around the corner.
Anywho, people are super skeptical about long distance relationships and are pretty decided that it won’t work for them. However, most have never been in a long distance relationship. How does that work?!
I ride as hard for long distance relationships as I do for online dating. In both cases, I believe that it can work and be super, beneficial for the busy professional. I already spilled the tea on how to successfully conquer the online dating world, now I’m about to drop some knowledge on how to have a successful long-distance relationship.
But first, what are the benefits of a long distance relationship for busy, professionals?
- You have the opportunity to focus on your career without feeling that you have to sacrifice a huge amount of time to have a romantic relationship.
- You are more likely going to be partnered with someone that can meaningfully contribute to your life intellectually and financially. I mean sis I hope that you aren’t getting into a long distance relationship with Chris that work at the bank unless he’s the manager’s manager…LOL (no shade to Chris).
- You get to keep your space the way you want it. I don’t know about you, but I’m particular as heck and I like coming home to my house the way I left it. I know bae will only be here a week/weekend a month so I can deal.
- It allows you to retain a sense of independence and lead a life that is not so heavily connected to your partner’s life.
Okay, now that you are warming up to the idea, the bigger question is how do you sustain a long distance relationship?
BOTH parties must be committed to the relationship.
Hmmm. sounds like guidelines for any relationship to me but I digress. If only one partner is committed to making the relationship work it will not last. Explicitly ask your partner, how do they feel about being in a long distance relationship. If you or your partner have strong reservations just hit them with “we should just be friends” and keep it moving.
Have a short-term and long-term plan.
In terms of a short plan to discuss how often you would like to see each other and how that might look (e.g., I will visit you once a month and then you will visit me). As much as possible try to share the financial burden of traveling. That can introduce problems later down the line if one person feels that they are contributing more than the other person.
In terms of a long-term plan, what is the end goal? Is it to relocate? Where would you like to relocate? How long are comfortable with being in a long distance relationship? Getting the answers to these questions will also ensure that y’all are on the same page and that this relationship is worth commitment.
Don’t just text each other.
I’m not sure why in this day in age we rely so heavily on text messaging. Well actually, I do get it – it’s hecka convenient. HOWEVER, it’s problematic asf. A text message can be interpreted so many different ways and it can limit the depth of the conversation. Thus, in a long distance relationship or any relationship for that matter take it old school and talk on the phone. FaceTime is also bae in long distance relationships.
Another idea that I hadn’t considered, but helped my friends sustain their long-distance relationship was to send letters in the mail. How freakin’ cute is that?! I LOVE this idea, as I feel that it allows you to express your feelings more freely than often possible in day-to-day interactions.
Get creative on how you spend time together.
In between, visits plan a date night via Skype. My partner and I are such intellectuals so we like to read books or have a stimulating conversation during our date night. You could easily watch a movie or Netflix show together.
Also, try to communicate with your partner at least once a day. This helps to create some sense of routine in the context of your relationship.
Keeps things interesting. Share memes, send each other racy, I mean lovey-dovey messages, share articles, pictures and any other things that you and your partner enjoy. For example, I’m competitive so a former partner and I loved to play online games. It was a great way for us to stay connected and have a bit of fun.
Also, capitalize on the anticipation. Delayed gratification can be so worth it. *wink, wink*
When y’all are together finding a nice balance between going out into the world and just spending quality time alone. Do not take for granted the in-person time that you have to share with your partner. Another sweet gesture is to make the in person time special. I always make sure that I have my partner’s favorite things on hand to show that I care and am thoughtful about them being comfortable in my space with me.
Make sure that you aren’t slacking on the relationship maintenance work.
Check in with your partner, ask about their day, be supportive, and don’t forget to tell them that they are appreciated. Maintaining these meaningful connections help to sustain the relationship.
Keep people out of your relationship.
People LOVE to introduce doubt and that doubt can fester when you don’t see your partner regularly. Thus, make sure to be clear about your commitment to YOUR PARTNER and act in accordance with those commitments. Remember, you are not in a committed relationship with your friends.
Hopefully, I’ve convinced you to be at least a little more open-minded about long distance relationships. The reality is that entering into any form of relationship is a risk…some people are worth the risk.
What are your thoughts on a long distance relationship?