One of the biggest reasons that women are so awful at online dating, well dating in general, is because so many women are horrible at effectively shootin’ their shot. Women y’all need some help, so here’s your fool-proof guide to shootin’ your shot perfectly every time.
Shootin’ your shot is probably the best metaphor for seeing if potential bae is open to being more than your secret bae.
Women we take charge of everything else in our lives, why not take charge of our dating lives?! You are not going to sit around and passively wait for that job, that new house, or that promotion. So, don’t sit around hoping that “crush” magically knows that you are interested.
Before you even shoot your shot…go ahead and get ALL of the negative thoughts of the way.
One of the reasons why women (and men) avoiding shooting their shot is because of the potential for rejection. Rejection is never a fun experience but you will live through it. I promise!
What’s the worst case scenario? He doesn’t respond …OKAY.
What’s the best case scenario? He responds and y’all live happily ever after.
Neither of these outcomes includes death, so we’re good.
Remember, that sending the initial message may be uncomfortable at the moment, but it will pass like all the uncomfortable moments in your life like…
- Seeing your ex with his new girl right after he just texted and said he missed you
- Walking around with lipstick on your teeth and no one told
- Realizing your shirt was see-through at the end of the day
- Realizing you have toilet tissue stuck to your shoe
I mean we could go on and on, but I think you get the point. You’ve had these moments and likely laughed later. You survived.
Now get ready to shoot your shot.
First, there is sending an initial message.
Please stop sending him a DM, text message or anything that says “Hey” and waiting for a response. You would never send your boss an email that says “Hey John” and waits for a response. That’s a waste of everybody’s time. So why the heck do you think that’s the best way of shootin’ your shot in the dating world?
You’ve also probably deleted hundreds of “Hey, beautiful” messages from your inbox. A compliment is nice and it’s just that a compliment. What’s really intriguing is when it’s clear that a man has at least read your profile and has put some effort in identifying his interest in you and being clear about the potential for common interests.
So ladies, tell the guy something worth reading.
Craft a message that says something specific and unique that you’ve noticed about this guy from his profile, tweets, seeing him around etc.
Example time..because I need y’all to get this right!
Not a good message: I saw your profile on IG and I think you are fine.
Great message: Hey, I see you are a football fan. Too bad, you support the sorry Eagles. Cowboys all day. Lol. Are you originally from Philly?
Second, you want to sustain a conversation.
Now, that you are in the door, the work is not done. Nor is it on the guy to sustain the conversation. Again, when you get the job you don’t get to just sit at your desk and reap the benefits. Interaction with potential baes, don’t work like that either. This is a TEAM EFFORT.
A simple response is a serious conversation killer. It doesn’t provide the person with anything to respond to, so they are more likely to move on with their life.
Pro tip: Want to get more than 1-2 responses from potential bae? Make sure that each response includes an open-ended question to keep things more interesting, and it’s the key to a sustained interaction.
Guy: Where are you originally from?
Woman: I’m originally from NC.
Guy: Where are you originally from?
Woman: I was born and raised in NC, but I’ve been living in Florida the past four years. I see you tweeted about living in Georgia, have you always lived there?
Third, let’s get out the trap of the endless messaging.
You haven’t successfully mastered the art of shootin’ your shot until you have secured the date. Now that’s what we call a perfect shot!
Be clear and specific about your intentions for setting up a date. I mentioned this once before, but I think y’all weren’t listening.
So, let me break this down.
Once you have established that you like this guy and it’s time to actually meet (My rule 1-2 weeks after messaging MAX), be clear about your intentions for a date at a specific time during a specific week from the beginning!
Let’s say he initiates and says
We should get together sometime.
“That sounds like a great idea. Just let me know.
I would love to meet you as well. How about next week? I’m available on Wednesday and Thursday evening. Do either of those days work for you?
This approach is more specific and direct and you are more likely to end up with an actual scheduled date. Women: this also solves the problem of you worrying about whether or not he is ever going to ask you out.
So women, shoot your shot this week and let me know if you scored the perfect shot.