How many times have you mentioned that you’re single and immediately been met with the unspoken “poor girl, you must be miserable,” which shows up in conversations as
How long have you been single?
My husband and I know this great guy but he lives in [insert whatever state is hecka far].
Both of these comments demonstrate that something is inherently wrong with you and that you should have a man.
I’m single not a charity case.
I don’t have a contagious deadly disease. I’m single.
You aren’t attending my funeral.
I’m JUST single.
Is that possible?!
You would think not. It’s mind-blowing to people that you could actually be single AND happy. Or better yet that you aren’t looking for a man. As a woman, it is possible to be happy, single and successful.
Personally, my happiness isn’t rooted in having a man. There are other things that can be just as fulfilling such as my career, my family and my friends.
The truth is I spent two years not dating because I wanted to focus on me. I wasn’t desperate, miserable or waiting on some man to come in and save me from my single status. It was ALL ABOUT ME and I enjoyed the process. Fully healing from past trauma and hurt takes time, so I appreciated the opportunity to focus on my own needs.
Those past traumatic experiences were wreaking havoc on my personal life. I was showing up broken in relationships and expecting my partner to just deal. That was unfair to them. It also reinforced my narrative that I wouldn’t ever experience a healthy relationship.
It was also ruining my friendships. I was an awful friend. For me, a great friend dropped everything and tended to my problems. How selfish?!
I needed to get my ish together for ME. That was the only way I could show up as the best version of myself in the context of any relationship whether it be with a future partner or my friends.
Keeping it 100 while I wasn’t spending all my days sad and miserable, I also wasn’t the happiest person every day either.
As a single woman, that can be tough to admit because people can use that as ammo for why being single is bad.
The truth is whether you’re single or in a relationship it’s not always the BEST THING EVER.
I hate that being single is viewed as “awful”, and being in a relationship is viewed as “amazing”. These things should not be presented in opposition to each other. A person can be single and happy and a person can be married and miserable.
I also think this positioning makes it challenging for single women to declare that they would like a partner. Wanting a partner doesn’t mean you need one. We are successful women who are amazing alone and want the support and companionship afforded by a partner.
Check out my Ultimate Guide to Conquering Dating.
Now actually finding a compatible partner is another topic for another day…LOL!
Need help as you navigate your own self-discovery process?! Book your first Dating with Dr. T session TODAY.